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Losing a pet can feel a lot like having the ground fall out from under you. Your once solid foundation of love, constancy, and routine all disappear.
Also gone is one of your daily reasons to smile. Pets can often be counted on to give us little joy boosts. They’re happy to see us… generally eager to connect and be petted, ready to play or to snuggle.
Emotionally, it’s shattering. The loss of a pet often leaves a lasting marker of grief on our lives, comparable to losing a close human family member.
But sometimes, it’s even worse than that particular hell…
Because pets are often woven into our daily routines, from morning strolls to mealtimes to quiet moments of companionship, the sudden absence of that is devastating.
For me, since I work from home, my dogs have always served as my daily company, their snores serenading me through the hours.
Without those snores? Deafening silence. Blaring pain.
And deep, deep sadness.
Sadness Seeds Run Deep
Grief itself can feel like a storm of emotions. But not the steady spring rain kind… more like hurricane-force explosions along the coast. There are torrents of sadness, fits of anger, rage and guilt that blast like lighting, and an overwhelming sense of nothingness that feels like rising waters when there’s nowhere to go.
To be fair, this is the experience many of us have with grief in general, not just pet grief.
But pet grief has other layers, too, that are unique to the role of caretaker.
For example, maybe you feel guilt about decisions made or not made. Maybe you wish you’d given your pet a better life, or more attention, or more of those treats that you know they absolutely loved.
That kind of regret sits heavy.
There’s also loneliness… denial… shock… disbelief… and feelings of emptiness.
Our Bodies Know
It’s also important to address the physical manifestation of pain. Maybe your pet loss grief expressed itself in the inability to sleep or eat or concentrate.
Or as fatigue.
Or the weighty feeling of persistent anxiety and depression.
Or a burden of heavy loneliness.
In your home, it’s quite possible you feel incomplete. Your routines are disrupted. Maybe you’ve you’ve lost your main source of emotional support.
And perhaps you have.
Add to that the fact that pet loss grief isn’t well recognized or validated by others, and those feelings of isolation grow exponentially — especially if an unrealizing person makes the crass “It was just a dog/cat/horse” comment, or “You can always get a new one.”
It’s akin to adding a shuddering wind to what already feels like an avalanche of legitimate devastation.
Or like sobbing in a crowded room where no one notices.
Here’s What You Don’t Do
The thing about grief in general and pet grief in particular is that you don’t just “get over” it. You can’t just fill the void with a new pet.
And the truth is, your grief might last a lot longer than you’d expect.
But truly, that’s what makes pet loss so devastating. It’s never about just having an animal in your home who is no longer there. Your pet was family. A confidante and companion who gave love without expectation.
There’s really nothing to do about grief other than to feel it.
So let yourself feel the feelings, rage and cry, and give your emotions their day in the sun.
I’d like to gently encourage you to reach out to the fellow pet lovers in your life. The simple phrase, “I’m really struggling” can uncork whole conversations.
Chances are, anyone who’s ever loved and lost their own pet will understand. They may even share their own pet loss journey, opening up a much-needed world of empathy — for you and potentially for them as well.
If you don’t have anyone around you who seems to understand the depth of your grief, consider joining our member community. Your stories, your sadness, and your pet connection will be seen and honored.
