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My dear friend Kim, an amazing emergency veterinarian, put it this way: “They are equally awful.”
She was referring to the striking pain of losing a pet suddenly versus having to make the heart-wrenching decision to put your pet to sleep.
But also right up there in the gold-medalists of pain is sensing that death is coming via old age and a goodbye is near, or simply knowing your pet is suffering and not being able to do anything about it.
Here are a few ways to navigate that difficult road, acknowledging that the experience is different for everyone.
1. Go Ahead and Fall Apart
There’s a strange loop that occurs in the pre-death days of pet loss where you feel like you can’t cry yet. Where it’s better to save those tears till you’re “really sad” and death has happened and only then is it appropriate to let them flow.
But really, if tears want to come, it’s always okay to let them flow. There’s an incredible amount of frustration, sadness, and raw pain that goes into the transitional time before a pet’s death. This is particularly true if you can’t do anything to make them comfortable or you’re struggling to decide when it’s time for euthanasia.
Those early feelings of grief are valid, and letting them out can actually make the painful time of transition ever so slightly easier.
2. Make the Unbearable Plan
You may also be experiencing fear at not knowing what’s on the other side of your pet’s death. Where will you bury them? Is cremation an option? How much will it cost? And should you even be thinking these awful thoughts?
It’s strange but completely relatable to feel guilty about making plans for the other side of death. There’s a common but irrational fear that making those plans will rush the death part.
But if you’re able to understand what’s coming and make arrangements to prepare, it actually gives you a greater sense of control. And if you’re about to lose a cherished pet who served as a cornerstone in your life, everything else may feel out of your control.
3. Talk to Those Who’ve Gone Through It
This is where community comes into valuable play, especially in the world of pet loss. Because the truth is, a lot of people won’t understand your deep pain at the thought of your pet soon departing.
But a lot of people will. And having an empathetic ear on the other side of your anguish is like a lifeline when you’re drowning in a whirlpool. Their experience might be different, their ways of coping might not be for you, but their relatable pet loss stories will go far in making you feel seen and heard.
The more honest and rawer you can be about your feelings, the more insight and understanding you’ll get from someone who’s been through a similar situation.
4. Grab a Sunshine Walk
If you’re putting in countless hours caring for and simply being with your pet, there’s great value in that. But there’s also value in stepping away from the situation for a short stretch of self-care, whether it’s for a brief stroll in the sun or a lunch out with friends.
Part of the reason to do this is for your own self-care and sanity, but the greater, and maybe more motivating reason is because it’ll shore up your energy so you can give your pet the best care and attention possible.
After all, our pets are little energy sensors. They know when we’re sad or something is terribly off. It may be one of the most challenging things you do, but taking care of yourself and returning to your pet filled up and lighter will give them a boost of happier energy. And maybe, just maybe, it will ease their own suffering a bit to see you happy.
5. Give Them All the Bacon
I have a friend who was a day away from putting her beautiful Cavalier down. So she bought his favorite treats and let him indulge in a gluttonous feast in his final hours. The dog was ecstatic, and she felt it was the most joyful way to send him on while creating beautiful final memories
Your pet’s final days don’t have to be steeped in grief. Consider taking them out into the sunshine, or to just sit in a park. Take beautiful last photos. Let your pet do something they were previously never allowed to do, like lay on your bed or eat bacon off the kitchen table. It’ll be different and specific for every pet, but these out-of-the-box moments might be some of the ones you later cherish the most.
There’s no way around the hard journey of knowing your pet will soon pass. But the tips above can make the experience ever so slightly more bearable, both for you and your pet.
