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Yes, Your Profound Pet Grief is Valid
Can the loss of a pet be just as deeply painful as the loss of a human loved one?
Absolutely, yes. Sometimes even more painful.
But the reasons why are multi-layered, and it’s different for everyone…
The Gifts of Routine and Purpose
First, and without any comparison to human loss, it’s important to acknowledge that pet loss is real and can feel overwhelming.
Because when you think about it, pets are often integral to our daily lives. They become part of the family, an ever-present fixture in our homes.
For a pet owner, daily life is punctuated by these comfortable, familiar interactions. Maybe that’s a morning walk with the dog, or an evening spent reading with a purring cat on your lap.
Our pets give our days structure, comfort, and purpose. More so for those who live alone, whose pet was their only companion, or for people like me who work from home and are alone until the family returns from work and school.
But along with that steady companionship, pets give us unconditional love. They keep us from feeling lonely. They can radiate emotional support. (You’ll understand this if you’ve ever vented to or confided woes to your pet, as I’ve often done… they never judge).
Pets also keep us calm and steady, and give us purpose. They can even keep us healthy, according to a study from Johns Hopkins Medicine that shows how petting an animal for five minutes reduces stress and boosts heart health.
Hovering Beyond Our Normal
It follows that if your pet dies, your daily routine and that sense of purpose you had is gone. It’s disorienting, like being untethered and floating about without reason.
Let’s say your coffee brewed every morning while you fed the dog… without that simple task to complete, you might find yourself agitated as you wait for the coffee to finish.
Or maybe going to bed at night without the comfort of a furball curled into the nook of your legs makes it harder to sleep.
The reality is that a key part of your daily emotional support and routine is suddenly gone.
Perhaps worst of all is that the uncomplicated, unconditional love your pet lavished on you has vanished. When you think about it, our pets see us at our best and worst moments and love us regardless. Human relationships, with all their conflicts and complexities, are rarely as pure.
And so with pets, the loss becomes intensely personal and painful. And because your pet never criticized you or made you feel less-than, the loss can feel like pure, all-consuming grief.
Studies have even shown that pet owners often get more satisfaction from their pets than they do from human relationships, which makes the pain that much more acute.
In Defense of Your Pain
There’s also the disheartening issue of feeling like your grief isn’t acceptable. When a person in your life passes, there are certain rituals and processes you might go through.
Some are mandated (death certificate, funeral arrangements).
Some are expected (notifying close family and friends, having some kind of service or memorial).
Some processes are convenient, designed to make the passing of your loved one easier — like bereavement leave or the general understanding of people in your circle that you’ll stay away from social events for a while, or that you could probably use a casserole.
But when a pet dies?
None of these rituals are in place. There’s no death certificate, no bereavement leave. You can take it upon yourself to create a memorial or take a few days off work, but you’re not likely to get a lot of casseroles.
And while plenty of people in your circle might understand when you decline events or disengage, plenty won’t.
You’re Safe to Grieve Here
That’s exactly the reason for the Healing From Pet Loss Community. Connecting with like-minded pet lovers who are grieving in their own way in a safe space with zero judgment is healing and affirming.
Because yes, your pet grief is absolutely valid, and just as anyone would/should take steps to grieve a human loss, it’s the same with pet loss.
So please know your grief is legitimate, your loss is real, and if it feels more paralyzing and on a greater magnitude than the loss of any human relationship you’ve ever had, it’s because it probably is. And that’s okay.
